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That moment when I decided that he is not to blame for all the things wrong in my life. The moment that I decided that I would never leave him because I blame him for my life going badly. That is not true or empowering. It's such a huge projection. It's like everything that I've done, every choice that I made, is mine. And to blame somebody for everything in my life going wrong means that I'm not seeing them. Who is this person that I'm sharing my life with? There needs to be more details in their ingredients rather than just a blanket of, they are the reason my life is going wrong. Why? What choices did I make? How did they influence those choices? Yes. But still, choices that I made on my own.
So the projection field of our partners can be really thick. Sometimes because they're the ones closest to us, closest to ourselves. And sometimes we're looking out at them so much that it's easier to look at them and say they're the reason to blame than to look at ourselves. It's who we see most often. How often do we spend looking in the mirror? Not that much. But how often do we spend with our eyes actually looking at our partner? Most of our life. So then I can totally understand how much that would be easier to say everything that's going wrong is because of them. But is that true? And can we equally say everything that's going right is because of them? Do we do that? Do we recognize that grace as well? No, I don't. Sometimes I find myself attuned to searching for what's off instead of what's on. What's right. What's incredible.
And I want to shift my eyes to see what's right so that it can continue to light me up from the inside out and beyond. And for that to happen, I release my partner from being the burden of my woes. Being the reason for all of my no's. Because Lord knows that's not true. What about you? What have you done for yourself lately? How are you feeding yourself? The active participation that's needed for nourishment goes without recognition. We need to recognize the role that we play in feeding ourselves. Spiritually, emotionally, physically. This is our responsibility. And yet we look at the person in front of us who we see most often and say it's their fault. No. We need to learn how to cook. We need to learn how to create incredible meals for our life. That we are so happy to eat and ingest and feel fed and nourished and delighted. Pleasurable and excited and all the qualities of nourishment that we desire. We need to learn how to make for ourselves. This is how we become incredible lovers. And that love we feed ourselves is a love that we can offer our relationships. We can't forget how to cook. We cannot forget.
It's so easy to sit back in this life of convenience and think that happiness is just something that should just happen. It should just be here. Why isn't it here? And then you look at how you spend your days and you have... And of course, you're like, oh no wonder. I just spent my days existing. Existing and hoping. Doing the same thing hoping for a different result. Letting everything go by that I know I love. Letting that just pass me by. Not doing that. Not giving myself that. And then wondering why my life isn't fulfilling me the way that it used to. The way that it used to when I was younger. When things were just full of everything I loved because responsibilities were lower. So it was easier to commit time to everything I loved because that's what we did as children. That's who we were. A collection of everything. A collection of everything we loved. That's who we are.
But as life says... As life puts new files on our office desk every morning. It's like you need to do all these... It's like everything we love becomes a memory. I'll get to that when this pile is done. But then bit by bit we're done with life. It just keeps taking from us. It feels depleting. And our relationships become that way too. So it takes this activation within us to be like, you know what? Yeah, it takes effort. Yeah, it takes work. But it's worth it. Feeding myself is worth it. Feeding myself is part of living my life. This is an active participation that I am incredibly honored to do. Just like the masculine shows up for the feminine. Just like the providership for life itself. We can be that version of providership for ourselves and why does that have to seem bad? Why does active participation need to be bad? Why does it need to be a burden? It's a burden because it's new. It's a muscle that we're building for ourselves. It's something that we haven't been used to doing. So it's like, yes it's new. Yes we're a little shaky in the squat. But then later you'll be in horse stance and be like, bitch what? I got it. This is the same thing with our nourishment.
And you know what our nourishment, why it's been lacking so much? Is because we've been missing our connection to our sexuality. We've lost that connection. We've lost that pathway of nourishment. We've missed the meaning of what it is. We've turned it into some derogatory, depleting, soul-snatching, life-snatching, depleting action that we do out of unconscious behavior. That we do out of suffering. We've engaged in sex out of shame and suffering. When it's the complete opposite. Sex is rejuvenation. Sex is life-fulfilling. Sex is love and action. Sex is combination for co-creation to bring more love into this world. We've missed the soul nourishment, that sex and merging with life itself. The expansion of life through merging, through togetherness, through relationship, through intimacy, through sharing. All of these actions of combining. We've missed the nature of sex and the gift that it gives us.
Do we realize that combining is multiplication? Which is abundance in and of itself? Any version of multiplication is abundance. Sex is abundance. One becomes two, becomes more, becomes more, becomes more. So we are missing out on the spiritual abundance that sex offers us. And we've trapped sex to the bedroom. When sex is everywhere. It's in everything. Sex is combining with something else that gives us joy. Sex is you feeding yourself something that provides you joy. Sex is you eating a delicious meal that your body has been needing the minerals inside of. Sex is feeding yourself a morning practice that reminds you of the joy that's inside of your body when you move and when you dance. Sex is when you share a moment of eye contact with somebody and you really see them for the first time. And you see them seeing you. And you feel loved and safe in this moment. And you smile together because you've opened the secret of relationship. Of saying, like, this is why we're together. This is what we offer each other. And I'm so grateful for this. Sex is when you open yourself up to your mother and say that I love you. And I see you now. And I see you for everything that you've done. I see you in your struggles. And I see you in your ferocity of how you love me. No matter what. Sex is that. Sex is saying hello to a friend that you haven't seen in so long. And you remember what they represent in your life. And how much you want to nourish that connection. And show them how much they mean to you. Sex is when they show up with that thing that they do oh so well in your life. And that reminds you that, fuck, this life is great. I can smile again. Thank you for reminding me. That is sex. Sex is feeding yourself. Feeding yourself with nutrients. That reminds you of the beauty of this life. That reminds you of the beauty of this life.
Sex helps you come back to who you are. Sex isn't just us giving away. It's the receiving too. It's an exchange. And that's why we look at our sexual diet. Are your exchanges feeding you well? Are your exchanges adding to your nourishment? That is the focus of sexual nutrition. And at the center of your nourished sexual relationship with life is your spiritual abundance. And I can feel that right now in my body as I say this here. How true that is. How full that is. And it's here for all of us. And it lives inside of our sexuality. It is through sexuality that we live in spiritual abundance. It is through tasting our nutritional sexual energy that feeds us life. It feeds us life-giving nourishment. That results in us living in our spiritual abundance. And the beauty about this abundance is you will look around and you will see your house filled with incredible people that you love. Spiritual abundance is an abundance that's shared. No one goes hungry.
